he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
