He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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