its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
