She's JV to your varsity
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
