Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
