it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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