I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Need sex. Gaining weight.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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