I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
