my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
sarcasm needs its own font
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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