feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
