Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
