Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
