toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
