dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
