If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
