I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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