you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
