I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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