im drinking this country out of the recession.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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