Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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