The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
