Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
