Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
