Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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