don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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