Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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