I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
