escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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