He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
