today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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