Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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