I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
