Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
