i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
