Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
