I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
