I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
