The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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