I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
