dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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