I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
