i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
