I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
