so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
