We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
