how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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