Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
