well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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