Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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