So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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