just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
