Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
