i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You need a sexual gate keeper
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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